The recent onslaught of irresolution in my life has ever increased and caused consternation in about every area of my daily existence on this earth.  It seems so petty, trivial, and mainstream sometimes when I consider the sources of my panic and uncertainty.  Currently, the life of being done with school has brought more stress than staying up all night writing papers on the different theologies of Scripture or the history of the Catholic Church. 

Finding a job with the ever-glowing Biblical Studies Bachelor’s Degree almost seems comical at times.  Being qualified for any career job outside of ministry comes across as asinine.  Yet, most ministry jobs require someone older with a Seminary or Masters’ Degree.  Oh, the life of the poor. With no money or desire for Graduate School right now, I find it easy to become discouraged and alone.

²⁸ And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who^[a] have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

²³Jesus said to him, `You say, “If you can.” Anything can be done for the person who believes.’  Mark 9:23

³ ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ Jeremiah 33:3

I see and know these promises and facts found in Scripture concerning the nature of God and the characteristics and definitions of my relationship and interaction with Him.  Yet, somewhere in the boorish thoughts and tendecies of my life, I long to fight this battle alone.  At what point is all of my Biblical studies and Scripture memory done in vain?  Do I truly believe what the living and breathing Word of God in the Bible proclaims?  I feel as if my faith is worn on the outside with all the glitter and pretty lights.  Yet, when tested is lacking a pulse at all.  Without a faith that is active, even my successes in life with bring no lasting satisfaction and joy will be the goal that ever eludes my longing grasp.

So my prayer for myself during this trial and for all of you (as I understand, even through the blinders of my pride, that I am not the only one with trials in life) is as follows:

Dear God, You are so good. You are the same from the beginning, today, and forever.  The same God who created man with your own breath and in your image.  Lord, may we not be a church that compulsively reads and proclaims your name out of obligation or some self-righteous necessity.  Lord, may we truly believe that you are Truth. And Love. And that we would find our rest and security in these things.  Lord that we would approach any progression we make in life through the filter of your Word and prayer.  Lord, during the famine and the harvest, may we cling to you, and you alone. Amen.